I am not a cool guy. One of my ex-girlfriends always told me so, when I tried to put on a poker face. It was meant as a compliment...
No, I'm getting too excited too often and too fast to pass for a real cool guy. I can't prevent my emotions to appear in my face and my body language. I guess I am kind of a very archaic soul. Nothing can caught my imagination so much like the sea - and the woman. The origins of life. Where we're coming from. Where we're going to.
|Yana at the seaside, by Daniel Bauer|
I can sit for hours at the seaside, looking almost behind the horizon, unfocused, feeling the humidity and the salt on my skin, scenting the unique odor of salty water, hearing the never ending, in every moment varying and appeasing sound of the waves rolling in. My mind flies away. I feel kind of mesmerized. I want to touch it, feel it, and sometimes it costs me quite some self-restraint to not simply walk into the water, diving into the pleasure of endless freedom, drifting almost without weight, forget about everything, my body caressed all around... I could lose myself forever.
I didn't fall in love many times in my live. I'm not talking about the flimsy butterflies in one's stomach that appear more easily in such a readily flammable person as I am. I'm talking about the real, deep feeling of really FALLING in love. The fingers of one of my hands are enough to count those few times when it happened and dragged me away like a huge wave for which no human power was strong enough to offer resistance. It always took some years, in one case 25, until that wave released me again - with luck throwing me on the beach, with less luck, on the rocks of the coast, leaving me licking my wounds.
|Yana on the rocks of the coast, photo by Daniel Bauer|
But while floating on the wave of love I could almost use the same words to describe my feelings as I used above, sitting on the coast. Hypnotized by her beauty, drugged by her scent, ravished by her voice. Filled with the desire to admire the marvel of her existence. Overwhelmed by the longing to feel her warmness, to touch her skin and hair, to follow the curves of her face and body, to discover her most hidden areas and secrets. To dive into her. And to stay there for ever.
No, I'm not a cool guy. When I'm thinking of complete happiness I don't think about having a fast car, a big house, a thick bank account (although it really could be a bit thicker...) or being one the most renown photographers drinking champagne on hot parties. I dream of the sea. I dream of a woman. I dream of being by the sea, making love with a woman I love.
That's what's cool for me!